Monday, December 15, 2014

The Swine Flu Eye Clinic

Had to get my peepers checked today. Got there 10 minutes before my appt. and parking lot was totally empty. Door was open as it was nice out today so I parked. They knew I needed glasses because I parked crooked. I figured it didn't matter. Walked in the door and 8 people standing there looked at me to see what I needed. Out of the 8 people...there was one spindly little blonde girl holding a kleenex in one hand that SNIFFED a huge wet one and asked to help me...GREAT...the runt of the liter is tugging at my leg!! She reaches for a clipboard with her non-kleenex clutching hand and SNIFFS again. So I fill out the KNOW how I feel about medical PAPERWORK... and she says..."OK, follow me....SNIFF...SNIFF. We go into the dark room with the machine lineup and she gets a tiny alcohol swabette to "wipe down" the chin rests and eye sockets of the machines...GREAT...I have just witnessed CROSS CONTAMINATION...all the DNA from the last patient was gone and her PNEUMOMUCOSIS is now in it's place!! I am thinking..."Little girl...your momma shoulda kept you home today!!" I got the eye photos taken and the glaucoma blow treatment and looked into another machine or two. She hands me a remote and tells me to press the button when I see squiggley lines. My head is in this machine so I can't see what she is handing me so she takes hold of my hand (hopefully her alcoholic hand) and places this remote in it. I feel a button on the back of it and she starts the test...I am pressing away as the lines are squiggling like a petri dish. Finally she says.."you have to press the button". I said..."I am". Then she took the remote out of my hand and turned it over. HELLO...It helps if she could me more astute...perhaps she was strung out on Theraflu or Tamiflu or Riccola perhaps?!? LORD...if I don't get sick after all that it will be a MIRACLE!! Doc comes in and flips the lenses while we play 1 or 2, then 3 or 4, and 5 or 6. Then he says,..." all done. There are no signs of diabetes whatsoever in your eyes!! In fact, your eyes are healthier than they were two years ago!! I said..."so why can't I see??" And he said my glasses were all wrong. He changed all three of my vision fields and changed the width of the center field which will be better, and I am getting a new pair of glasses that are all closeup. It drove me crazy when building the deck to look down and get a screw and then have to look up and not being able to see where the bit fits to power it in...JEEPERS...everything seems so complicated. I am riddled with "special needs"...and expect my death of cold any minute when the splindly blond plague sets in!! ~hugz~

Saturday, October 18, 2014

While I consider myself a comedian, I am the WORST when it comes to remembering “jokes”.  I tend to find humor more in the realities of daily life as opposed to memorized quips with a hook.  Good thing since my mind is starting to go…

Something just reminded me of a joke I heard some many years ago.  I may be incorrect, but I believe that Grady B. Wilson, close associate of Billy Graham during the decades of world crusades told this joke and because of the unsurpassed respect I had for Grady and also because it was funny, I remembered it.  It goes like this…

Prior to 1972, A distinguished gentleman was dining in a fine restaurant at peak dinner hour which was seated to capacity and was obviously understaffed for this rush.  Servers and bussers were scurrying about trying to do their best to accommodate all the guests and quickly make room for those on the wait list to be seated.  The gentleman’s waitress brought his meal and placed it before him and quickly moved away to her next task.  The gentleman tried to get her attention but she seemed to completely focus on one table at a time.  After a minute or so, she passed by his table and he said, “Oh Miss, could I please have some butter?”

The waitress replied, “Certainly, sir. I will bring some in just a moment.”
She went on her way.  After another couple of minutes passed, she came back by his table and the gentleman said with a tone of impatience, “Ma’am, could I please just have some butter?”

She replied kindly, “Yes sir, give me just a moment and I will have it right out to you.”  By this time the gentleman began to get frustrated.  His meal was getting cold and he had no butter even though he had asked not once…but TWICE.  Momentarily, the waitress came toward him and he held out his hand to stop her and asked if she had his butter.

The frazzled waitress took a deep breath realizing her exhausting efforts were no doubt decreasing her tip amount, replied…”I am so sorry, sir.  I got it out of the cooler for you and forgot to bring it this trip…”

No sooner had she uttered these words when the indignant man slapped his cloth napkin on the table as he stood up and addressed the waitress in a room silencing voice and said, “Young Lady…do you have any idea who I am?!?  I am George Wallace, Governor of this fine State of Alabama, and I have asked you three times if I may PLEASE have some BUTTER!!”

The hushed room had all eyes focused on Mr. Wallace and the stunned waitress.  After a brief pause which seemed like an eternity, the young lady lifted her head and matter of factly replied, “Mr. Governor, Sir…do you have any idea who I am?!?”...without awating his reply she interjected, “I AM THE KEEPER OF THE BUTTER!”

Truth or factiously stated…the point was or IS…when it comes to getting butter, one’s title or position, one’s financial or social status, one’s gender or race, one’s political preferences or religious philosophies, one’s confidence or lack thereof, all have very little significance or impact on the manner or the method that materializes the matter at hand.  Think for a moment.  Suppose you or I had been dining that evening at a neighboring table…who would have most likely impacted or enhanced your life and your experience at that moment in time…the Governor?...or the waitress?  I would have to say, my money is on the waitress!!  My chance of getting butter, drink refills and the most pleasurable dining experience could only be obtained from the waitress, who is the “keeper” of the butter, iced tea, water and extra napkins.

I am astounded at how many friends and friends of friends I share with on FaceBook are going through difficult times right now.  Friends needing employment, some going through financial difficulties.  Many have physical pain, health issues and long difficult and complicated treatments and recoveries.  Many others are battling depression and anxieties, relationship issues, dealing with grief over lost loved ones, managing care for loved ones and aging parents and overwhelming loneliness and despair.  Some dealing with consequences and fallout from bad choices.  Some stress over the state of our economy, security and inner struggles with whom can we trust to elect to office as we go to the polls in coming days.  So many have little to no hope.  No direction.  No purpose, just meandering about every day from sun up to sun down with merely a sigh of relief that “WHEW!  We made it through today but with little to nothing to show any difference or positive impact that we have left behind for those who are yet to follow our steps.  It seems there are no answers.  No quick fixes.  Just temporary patches that we know will blow out again any minute…

Just food for thought…if we expect to get “butter” and that life will be BETTER…the difference is knowing WHO is in control—who is the KEEPER is. Makes no difference who you are or who you THINK you are…unless you have access to the SOURCE you cannot obtain “butter” on your own.  I don’t know all the solutions or have all the answers, I am just struggling like most everyone else I know, or know of.  I DO know…that without a plan…we have ALREADY FAILED.  Isn’t it better to HAVE a plan, commit to a purpose and then go all out to make it happen??  These are my thoughts.  And I meditate in reflection and in resolution…
The Apostle Paul wrote in his second letter to Timothy chapter 1, verse 12 that even though he was in prison that he had no shame, “for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.”

Earlier this evening, I posted a comment on a friend’s post that just came from my heart as I KNOW I am not this smart!!  LOL  The comment…

” God is on HIS throne and is the KEEPER of HIS own.”  This is the only resolution I know of.  May God help us carry on and continue to carry us when we cannot carry ourselves.

Friday, July 19, 2013

I'll Have a Double a Sippy Cup...Please!?!

3:00 am   Why am I still up, you ask?!?  Well...since you asked...since I began taking prednisone some 6 months ago, my sleep pattern is as follows...sleep when I can (and most times I can't)...when I am not sleeping...I get up and find something to do.  It is that simple.  It is like being retired or in calendars...  I asked my wife twice this week..."Is today Wednesday?!?" Turns out, I was correct...both times!!  The weekdays all run a way, my life is like God's..."a day is as a 1,000 years and a 1,000 years is as a day."  See...they don't really matter to HIM so I guess it is alright that they don't really matter to me.  Back to my sleep...usually what happens is similar to what happened to me 2 days ago...I woke up at 3:30 am and made coffee.  Got a cup (cheated the pot)...nestled in my recliner & turned on the tube and flipped a few channels.  BTW, I am now consulting with limited clients re: all things "as seen on TV"...whether you need product information, contact information, or answers to infomercial trivia...I am your man..."even if you don't have a home phone...I've got that covered, too!"

I digress.  So after I found something worth watching (like CO
PS or MIAMI REPO) all was well until I was suddenly awakened as mildly tepid coffee was streaming onto my lap, cascading down my legs and filled my slippers with hazlenut latte... gravitationally culminating in a nice aestheticly creative puddle on the carpet (which is by design is some 50 shades of latte LIGHTER than said puddle).  Greaaaaaat...I said as I sat the empty mug I was holding on the table beside my chair and grabbed the nearest afghan throw and began to make myself an old man diaper so I could stagger to the laundry room where I could remove my saturated shorts, t-shirt, socks and throw them along with the "throw" into the washer.  Good thing the house was dark and the only creature stirring was me!!  I then walked a la Adam (before Eve took sewing lessons) through the kitchen and dining room and up the stairs to the master ensuite (LOVE those PROPERTY BROTHERS!) and got in the shower to decaffinate myself...all the while praying I did not wake up my ladies (wife, daughter, granddog) because the last thing I needed was to suffer their wrath while I had to explain what was happening.  I tip toed over to "chester" to get me some drawers and got dressed to return downstairs to complete stage 2 of the massive clean up. By the time all that was done,  I was so exhausted I had to take a nap.  My plan was after first light and the dust cleared the driveway as my working girls left for the office, I would get the Spot Bot to clean the carpet so it would be dry by the time they returned that evening.  It seemed as though I could pull this off without a hitch!!

As Sam in CASABLANCA and I in WOODSTOCK both know..."time goes by" and it did...I forgot to clean the carpet.  I was BUSTED!!  Greaaaat...made my day complete!!

It is now almost 4:30 am.  Time for coffee or a nap.  I think a good plan would be to start the coffee...then try for the nap.  That way, when I wake up due to "natural causes" the coffee will be ready...and I won't be wearing it.

I remember Mamma falling asleep with a drink in her hand and spilling it on more than one occasion...but she was in her 80's for heaven's sake!!  I can hardly wait to see what my future holds!!  ~hugz~

Monday, February 25, 2013

Livin' the Dream, Baby!!

A few weeks ago, I learned of a local film project in pre-production from a friend and past associate who just happened to have written a book that was published several years ago. It so happens, that this friend actually has enjoyed great success with writing books and having them scripted for the screen and when put into production mode involved some very well acclaimed acting talent and ultimately these projects thrived at the box office and are still today reaping the 'tests of time' as classics in a great way!! My friend said he had several projects going and gave me the producer's contact information. (Now HERE is where I LOVE internet interaction as opposed to the old school 'telephone'...) IMMEDIATELY, I FORWARDED my writer friend's message to the producer who got back to me right away with the contact information for the casting director.

Digressing a little, about a year to year and a half ago, I was part of a cast of actors who performed weekly at a well-known area restaurant in a mid-week dinner theater production. Now many actors I know, would have frowned and never entertained the thought of being part of something so 'small scaled' as a dinner theater production...mid-week?!? About a month into this gig...word got around and we soon were packing the restaurant every week with 80-100 guests who came for a wonderful dining experience and an interactive professional production, too!! I made some FANTASTIC FRIENDS and met lots of wonderful people during this 8 month run. On several occasions, there were talent scouts and casting agents in our crowd . . . they eat too!!

One particular night, as I was in character mingling among the guests as I always did, I met a couple and engaged them in conversation. Our interaction was completely generic but I commented to the prettiest half of the couple that she reminded me of TRISHA YEARWOOD whom I have always admired and been a loyal fan. (The beauty of Improv is that ANYTHING can be worked into the 'script"!) I never had the opportunity to meet the couple or speak with them when I was not in character, but I later learned that 'my' TRISHA YEARWOOD was a CASTING AGENT!! A short time later, I saw her on facebook as she was a friend of a friend. I sent her a 'friend request' and she accepted so we began following each other through social media.

Fast forward back to the present, the casting director for my writer friends's newest project was none other than. . . you guessed it..."my TRISHA YEARWOOD"!! I again (thanked God for written communications) and forwarded this e-mail that was rapidly becoming a thread to the Casting Agent. Promptly, she got back to me and casting was already in progress, but in two weeks, she informed me, there were call-back auditions and she wanted me to come read for a specific role which she "knew I would be perfect for". . .because she REMEMBERED what she had seen me bring to the dinner theater those months prior.

Long story short...(I know, tooooo late). . .that small-ish dinner theater production led me to my most recent role booked which is now in pre-production!!. I GOT THE PART!! Reminder to all only get to the top of the ladder by climbing up . . . such few of us are heliported or catapulted to the top. "No small parts only small actors" likewise . . . no small-insignificant venues only insignificant artists!

I am grateful for EVERY opportunity I have to practice my craft. It is rare that I do a project that does not open a door for another down the road . . . life is like that. The moment we assume that "this" is all about us and our extraordinary talent and superior persona, we simultaneously eliminate many excellent opportunities for gaining experience, diversity in our repertoire and making some DARN QUALITY FRIENDS!! Just because you may not know me . . . does not mean that I am not living the dream!!

See you at the movies . . . or . . . wherever else my DREAM ROLLER COASTER takes me! Regardless. I will KEEP YOU INFORMED!! 


Saturday, February 23, 2013

Humble Harold's Helpful Handy Household Hints--after all, life should be easiest at home!!

1. My coffee gets cold so I put it in the microwave--seriously--between 20-30 times a day for a reheat. Since microwaving kills almost everything,...I no longer have to wash my cup! The cup-side "lip-drips"...remind me of GOOD TIMES!!
2. I have a favorite glass that I love to pack semi tightly with ice cream and then fill the air spaces with milk. I like milk when it is 33*f so this technique kills two birds with one stone. When I finish my concoction, I put my glass and spoon in the freezer right next to the ice cream. It makes preparing my next indulgence much easier since everything I need is right there!! I don't have to call out a posse to disturb the dishwasher looking for my glass!!
3. Another similar technique is when you take the frozen pizza out of the oven and slip the pie onto the cutting board, simply put the pizza pan back in the oven. Then the next time you need it, it should be right where you left more struggling to fit the over sized pan in the cupboard. This technique would seem to work best if one lives alone. I do not have full cooperation on this one from the ladies in the house., drink and be SMART! After all, LIFE should be EASIEST at HOME!!     Bye now...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Pinterest?!?...Oh, Pinnnnnterest!?!?...Exactly Who Are You Anyway?!?

So if I *Like something on PINTEREST . . . and you DON'T *Like it . . . does that mean you will UN-PIN me?!?

I guess what I am REALLY asking...Is PINTEREST as flakey, fickle, selfish, jealous, whiny, petty, judgmental, picky, hypocritical, shallow, braggadocios, one-upsy, false, annoying, aggravating, abusive, critical, lambasting, superficial, time consuming, rude, unreliable, gossipy, pretentious, promotional, opinionated, inclusive, exclusive, farcical, fanatical, fictitious, humiliating, patronizing, envious, guilt inducing, fearful, misunderstood, unfriendly, friendly, informative, evasive, invasive, belligerent, ambivalent, repetitive, revolting, revealing, concealing, ignoring, ignorant, impressive, expressive, flippant, absurd, arrogant, condescending, random, labeling, narcissistic, sensational, sympathetic, apathetic, social escalating, childish, immature, impulsively responding, sarcastic and as incredibly personally rewarding as facebook . . . or would it be NOT worth my time?!?

I signed up some time ago and I get e-mails when friends join . . . but I don't know how to "manage" you PIN HEADS. I don't speak Pinterest-ese. I am not Pinterest savvy. I need to take a class because I don't want to be just another number in the left behind series!!

Also, if you follow me on Twitter . . . you aren't getting very much exercise . . . I signed up over a year ago and I have never "tweeted" in my life . . . well, at least in public . . . audibly . . . I have a basic Phord Phocus Phone and I don't think one can tweet on it . . . 

I sign up for too much stuff and never follow through. I am one of those . . . "sure if it gets me something free"  . . . but when I find out there are INSTRUCTIONS . . . I abandon ship like the Captain of the Costa Concordia and run like the wind!! I should quit signing up . . . for all I know . . . I COULD be a registered sex offender or a communist?!? Lemme know . . .